Depression is a spectre which creeps on you and blows haze over your mind, inducing a cursed cycle of learned helplessness and guilt. Paper rejection is incredibly personal (despite what people tell you). It hurts even more when you think you gave everything because, what do you have left?Ī PhD hurts. Especially when you know you didn’t give everything. Especially when you know you had a chance. Losing at chess hurt much more than winning.
So if you don’t end up on the podium then, what was it all for? You don’t learn useful skills like music or arts or public speaking like the other kids.
Years of work are put in just for half a second. If you can’t feel your legs and you can’t breathe then you know you’re doing it right. Training sucks balls, it often leaves you wanting to throw up if you’ve done it right. I had a taste of it for 6 years in primary and high school, and it felt so pointless to me. Even if you’re talented, you have to be insane to keep doing it.
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